Posted by shannon on July 20, 2003 at 23:22:36:
It had been such a long day. All I could think about was getting home. I was tired and hot. What possessed me to wear long sleeves in the summer I will never know.
I saw the highway patrol man on the other side of the median and immediately looked at the speedometer. SHIT!!! It said eighty-six miles an hour.
So I worriedly chewed my bottom lip and watched my rearview mirror.
Sure enough it didn’t take long at all before he made it to my side of the highway and was flashing his lights at me. I guess the fact that since I’d spotted him I’d set the cruise control to a sedate sixty-five didn’t impress him.
I pulled to the side of the road with a sigh and turned down the radio. I dutifully pulled my proof of insurance from the glove compartment then grabbed my billfold so I could give him my license.
“Good afternoon Ma’am.”
“Hello.” I said in a soft voice handing him my information before he had a chance to ask. Did his lips quirk just a little?
“I pulled you over for speeding. Do you have an emergency?”
I sighed and shook my head with a sad smile. “No sir, I’m afraid I was just zoning and didn’t realize how fast I was going.”
He nodded once then excused himself.
I waited and thought about how much I DID NOT need a ticket. Lectures and possible reprisals aside, I couldn’t afford it. My insurance was higher than a cat’s back already and I didn’t have the money to pay the fine either.
I was definitely up that well-known creek without so much as a popscicle stick, much less a paddle.
The officer returned clipboard in hand. Then a miracle occurred.
“I’m issuing you a warning today Ma’am. You need to slow it down and be careful.” He said handing me the clipboard so I could sign the written warning.
I took it while nodding my head vigorously. “Yes sir. I will.”
I smiled brilliantly up at him as I handed back his clipboard.
“Where do you work?” He asked with a grin.
“I work at a nursing home.”
“Is it cold there?
I frowned, puzzled by the question. “Well, sometimes its cold, sometimes it’s hot. The residents can never agree so they are either freezing us out or frying us.”
He grinned outright. “I noticed the long sleeves and wondered.”
“Oh.” He was kind of cute. Was he flirting with me?
“What seems to be the problem here?”
I cringed. I knew that voice all too well. Landon!
“I was just giving the lady a warning for speeding.”
“You gave HER a warning?” I felt a flush creeping up my neck at the incredulous tone in Landon’s voice.
“You know the lady?”
“The lady is my fiancee' and she deserves a great deal more than a warning.”
“Landon!” I could have died on the spot. He didn’t have to talk about me like I was some criminal mastermind!
I got a very dark look for the interruption. “I wouldn’t get in too big a hurry to get my attention Shannon, you’ll have it soon enough.”
I sank low in my seat at his words, my stomach a liquid pool at my feet.
I watched in the rearview mirror as Landon and the highway patrol man walked behind my car to chat.
Landon looked at the warning slip then glared at the back of my car. This was definitely bad news bears for my bootie.
All too soon the other squad car was pulling away from the shoulder and Landon was back at my window.
“I think you’d better go on home young lady. I won’t be far behind you.”
I looked up into my beloved’s stern face and nodded. I knew anything I said would only make things worse and for once I decided NOT to make things worse.
“Shannon?”
“Yes?”
“I will be behind you and you better be five miles UNDER the speed limit the entire way. Understand?”
I nodded again.
“I asked you a question.”
“I answered you.” Sheesh!
“Shannon.”
“Yes sir I understand.”
“Better.” Then after one more frown he turned and walked back to his car.
I guess a kiss would have been too much to hope for.
Funny how quickly you get somewhere when you aren’t in a hurry. I swear the trip was faster than when I was rivaling the drivers in the Indy500.
Landon was at my car door helping me out and into the house in record time.
Once inside I shifted nervously from one foot to the other.
I didn’t have long to wonder about the fate of my backside.
“Go get the bath brush.”
“The bath brush?”
“You heard me.”
I was already wincing at the thought as I headed for the bathroom. I frowned at the large oval wooden brush; it had to be an inch and a half thick. This was going to be decidedly unpleasant.
I carried the dreaded brush back to Landon where he waited on the couch. “Um Landon?”
“Yes?” He barely glanced up from rolling up his sleeves.
“I don’t think you really want to use this, how bout I go get my hair brush?” It was sad day when I was offering to get that!
“I think this one will serve my purpose just fine.” He pulled me face down across his lap and quickly bared my bottom to his gaze. “I intend to see to it that you remember this every time you sit in the drivers seat for a good week.”
“A week!?! Landon let’s talk about this!”
“We are, I’m talking, you’re listening.” Then his hand began to pepper my bottom with stinging heat.
“OOOOOOWWWWWWW!”
“Is this the first time we’ve talked about this?”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”
“How many tickets have you had?”
“This wasn’t a ticket! It was just a warning!”
Bad thing to point out. The next sound I heard was the bath brush connecting with my tush!
“OOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!”
“Did you or did you not get pulled over for speeding?”
“I DID … I DID!!!!!”
“How many times have you been pulled over for the same thing?”
Now THAT was a loaded question. No way was I answering that!
“I’ve gotten twenty-nine tickets!” I yelled as the brush continued to make searing contact.
“That in itself is UNACCEPTABLE! I’d better not hear of you EVER getting pulled over again. Unless its because you’re going too slow!”
The brush came down to punctuate each and every word.
“Yes Sirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooowwwwwwooooooowwwww!” I wailed.
He brought the brush down again and again to make sure he got his point across before finally turning me in his arms and holding me close to his chest.
“I love you, but I will not tolerate such reckless behavior.”
I sniffed and sobbed my apologies into his chest.
“I mean it Shannon, if this ever comes up again you simply won’t drive.”
“Landon I have to drive!” I sat straight up in his lap.
He pinned me with his commanding eyes. “I’m telling you if I EVER find out you’ve been speeding again, you won’t. It’ll be the bus, a bicycle or walking.”
He was totally serious. “But Landon …”
“I mean it Shannon. I’ll have your license revoked if that’s what it takes.”
I slumped against him with a nod as I practiced my new mantra in my head. “The cruise control is my friend … the cruise control is my friend … the cruise control is my friend …”
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