A deafening blast of sound assaulted my ears, and I was all but blinded by the blaze of lights from the stage ... and I was hooked!
For years I’d listened to his albums, watched his all too rare TV appearances, and read everything I could lay my hands on about him, but this was the first time I’d had the opportunity to see him in the flesh. And that moment dispelled all my fears about standing in a hot, packed-to-capacity hall for the duration of the concert. Even the smell of stale sweat and beer couldn’t dampen my enthusiasm for the King of Glam Rock!
As he launched into Under my Wheels, the crowd surged forward, leaving me ... all five foot one of me ... able to see nothing but a sea of backs. Now this wouldn’t do! I’d paid good money to see Alice, and see Alice was exactly what I was going to do. Determinedly, I shouldered my way through the throng, and managed to reach the front, where I hung on grimly to the barrier, glaring at anyone who dared to try and move me.
Ahhh ... bliss! I sang my way happily through Billion Dollar Babies, Hey Stoopid and Only Women Bleed; I drooled over his Muscle of Love and yelled, “Yes ... oh yes!” when he asked, Is It My Body? My knees almost gave way when he started to twirl his cane as he gave us No More Mr Nice Guy, and when he brought out the crop and slapped it against his thigh to the beat of Eighteen, I thought I might faint!
And then ... Oh My God! He perched himself on the edge of the stage ... right in front of me ... to sing House of Fire! He was no more than three feet away, and if I stood on tiptoe ... and stretched riiiight over ... maybe I could just manage to ...
I did it! I touched him! From the corner of my eye I could see three burly security guards bearing down on me. But before they reached me, Alice himself had gripped me by the wrist and hauled me right up onto the stage!
Without missing a note, he made short work of the button and zip of my leather jeans, jerked them down to my knees, and tumbled me over his lap. Oh nooooo! Down came the crop on my black satin panties ... but my yell was drowned by the roar of the appreciative audience, who were getting quite an eyeful.
And in just a moment, they got even more of an eyeful as the redoubtable Mr Cooper slid my panties down, baring my bottom to the whole world ... well, the whole concert crowd..
He sang on ... “Let's build a house of fire, baby...” Whack! “Not one of wood or stone ...” Thwack! “Walk through my door of desire, baby ...” Wallop!” “Come on in and make it your home ...” Thwipp!
I squealed ... the crowd roared their approval. Alice walloped ... they cheered. And all the while he was laying that crop across my poor behind, he never missed a beat ... literally. I don’t know about House of Fire ... but by the time he’d finished, I certainly had Buns of Fire!
At last the song ... and the spanking ... finished. To thunderous applause, Alice rose to take a bow, hauling me up with him ... trouserless and knickerless. Scarlet with mortification, I scrambled back into my dignity, yelping as my panties and jeans chafed the welts left by the crop. I made to jump off the stage down into the auditorium, but instead of letting me go, Alice pulled me to him in a quick hug. And that ... and the kiss he placed on my forehead ... made it all worthwhile.
I wouldn’t be able to sit at my desk for a few days at least, so it was just as well, I thought ... that School’s Out!